My mind drifts back into my past for many things. I cannot seem to stop it, and truth be known, I don't ever want to. My memories are priceless treasures. Many times I have closed my eyes and remembered this girl.....this poor child....from my past.She was a new student when I was in third grade of the small elementary school in rural 1950's Americana. Kids are cruel; at least some of them are. Cruelty.....I have never believed it was something you were born with, something you inherited like Grandpa's blue eyes. I believe it is a learned trait, probably from older siblings or perhaps, cousins. I was an only child and had no cousins. My playmates were either imaginary friends or farm animals; neither one taught me cruelty. I was no stranger to it though.....being on the receiving end because I wore glasses. I can still hear the sing-song taunts about those glasses and feel the tears because "I was ugly".
When she came into the room with the teacher's arm across her shoulders guiding her, we all looked at her and made our silent judgments. Our teacher, with the pink flowered corsage pinned on the lapel of her dress, smiled and introduced her to the class. The girl looked like she would rather be in boiling oil than standing there in front of the class, exposed and being noticed. She never looked up. We chanted our hello to her and then the teacher helpfully guided her toward her desk, one up and across the aisle from mine. Outside row.
It put me at a great vantage point to inspect her without her knowledge, although now as I think about it, I'm sure she felt the intrusion. Her name was an unusual name, not one that most people would ever think of to name their baby. The sweet faced little blonde girl in the front row was the class beauty and her name just seemed to match her wholesome good looks. In direct contrast, our new girl was unkempt and dirty. Her hair hung in greasy strings and looked as though it had never seen a brush. Her dress was dirty and torn, her shoes were ripped and her socks were filthy but more than anything.....she had a bad odor about her. She smelled of unwashed clothes and urine soaked diapers.
I was never cruel to her but I was never anything to her; never really talking to her, never going out of my way to include her in recess games. I would have answered her if she had said anything to me....but she never did. I never teased her or talked about her.....I just ignored her, like she wasn't there at all. Like the rest of the classroom did. How lonely this forsaken sad child must have been. This is why her memory torments me so.
One incident that keeps coming back to me is very potent. This poor lonely soul sat at her desk across and up the aisle from me one day and silently wet herself. The seat filled with urine and dripped to the floor. Since her row was an outside row, the dripping went unnoticed at first. She did not move or make any indication that she was uncomfortable. I noticed it though but did not say anything. The teacher was making rounds giving marked papers back when she noticed it. She did not miss a beat; she continued passing out the papers until she was finished and then told the class to read the papers carefully to find a surprise. She then walked quietly over to the girl, bent down and whispered to her. She got up from her seat and the teacher walked behind her, shielding her from the class and they went into the hall with the teacher announcing that she'd be right back. Unfortunately the wet seat was noticed by some of the kids who sat close-by, but no one said a word. When the teacher returned, she let us out for recess and while we were out, she had the janitor come and clean the area; we looked in the window and watched. The girl didn't come back until the next day. My memory of her fades after that. She eventually moved out of the school district and I never saw her again but I've never forgotten her.
How lonely and sad she must have felt. I so wish I would have been kind to her instead of indifferent. I often wonder what ever became of her. I often have dreams that she grew to be a beautiful woman; filled with beauty and compassion inside as well. I hope so.
~ Inspired by a photo displayed in Magpie Tales ~
